On the Journey From the Head to the Heart.

Getting the "mind" out of the driver's seat.

For as long as I can remember, I have pursued music mostly as a craftsman, driven by goals like winning awards, making money, securing film/tv placements, or having my songs recorded by other artists.

There was always an agenda - always a result I was trying to achieve.

While this mindset resulted in me building a career as a “pro musician” (which I’m very grateful for), and helped me to achieve many of those goals I set out to win, I have never truly embraced what it means to be an artist.

Sure, over the years my “artistry” has come through in the work I’ve created - how could it not! - but, I’ve never sat down to create music and said “this is what I really want to say from my heart”, and then put it into the world.

Why?

Short answer: Because I’m terrified

“If you know what you wanna do, and you do it well, you're a craftsman. If you begin with a question and let that guide you in your journey of discovery, you're an artist.”

Rick Rubin

When I try to explain to people that I’m not really an artist, but a “pro” musician, it’s rather confusing for most to grasp, because it’s quite literally the opposite of what most musicians do.

Most musicians make music for the love of it it, longing to express themselves through their art, and then maybe attempt to “go pro” and do work for hire later on in life.

I guess somewhere along the way, I was never taught to use music to express or heal myself. I was always told to play what the greats played, stick to the sheet music, and play it safe.

I can still hear the words from my childhood when I'd attempt to playfully experiment and ‘tinker’ on the piano:

"We don’t write songs in this house; we play by the book. Get back to your sheet music"

After leaving the home at age 15, I developed severe performance and social anxiety, largely stemming from my strict and disciplined upbringing, particularly around music, which is why it’s especially sacred to me that I managed to transform music into my career at all.

So I’m not regretful that I became a craftsman rather than an artist, in fact I’m proud.

I’m proud of that scared shitless 15-year-old me who, when kicked out of the house, knew just one thing in her heart: she was going to make money doing the only thing she loved - play music.

Over the years, I've done it all – from fronting an all-girl Led Zeppelin tribute band and touring across 38 states, to playing grueling 4-hour bar gigs from LA to Nashville.

I got those film/tv placements I was chasing all those years.

I got those song cuts with artists I wanted so badly.

I built a business as a full-time music producer & session singer.

And then I even built a business helping thousands of musicians learn how to produce their own music and go pro from their home studios! (shoutout to my Produce Like a Boss fam!)

So to say I’m proud is an understatement. I’m blessed.

But something in the past year has shifted deep within me, and suddenly I find myself called to share my own experience through my writing, and my music.

The truth is, this year (2023) has been nothing short of a doozy.

From calling off my engagement and moving from Arizona back to Los Angeles in January, to having the most intense, blissful, mystical spiritual encounters with Spirit and my guides all throughout the Spring, to entering into a dark night of the soul in August 2023 (more on that later), I think it’s safe to say, I have no clue what will happen next.

One thing I do know is this.

I keep getting this message from Spirit that says, “What got you here won’t get you there.”

And I know exactly what Spirit is talking about.

My mind.

My survival mode.

My ego.

My “hustle” mentality.

Nope. That ship has sailed.

Fast Forward to today

For the last several months I’ve been on a healing journey from my head into my heart.

This means I’ve been trying to do less, and just be.

Trying to think less, and just feel.

Trying to bypass and avoid less, and actually heal.

I’ve been enjoying nature more than ever (truthfully, I’ve always been more of an ‘indoorsy girl’ so this is new territory for me) and I’ve even developed a special relationship with trees that has literally been life changing.

I meditate for at least 1 hour a day and I ask my soul, “What is seeking to emerge through me?” (Which I got from Michael Bernard Beckwith’s book “Life Visioning”)

And then I listen.

(They say if prayer is asking God, then intuition is listening.)

And that’s when the songs started coming.

And that’s why I decided to start this Newsletter.

Here, I’ll be sharing my story, my songs, rough voice memo recordings, and even things from my “hard drive graveyard” which never made it out into the world because it didn’t make the “cut” for whatever it was pitched for.

I’ll also be sharing insights and downloads that come from Spirit and my guides, as well as journal prompts and other fun creative things I’m doing throughout this journey.

I’m so happy you’re here, and I’m so excited to share my art with you.